I’m tired of being treated like I’m not a normal human being, like I’m some piece of trash dug out of the trash can just to be played with walked on and thrown back away. I’m tired of these emotionally straining relationships and being walked on by “friends”. I am tired of letting these go on for so long and repeatedly meeting and caring for people who will only take advantage of me. I know I am far from a saint and that I have done my fair share of heart breaking in my past, but I’ve grown up and learned how to treat people with respect. I begin each and every friendship with the same respect I would expect to be treated with. By the end of it, I almost want to slit my throat to escape their grasp on me. Its like I am to weak to stand up for myself and just walk away from them. I don’t know why this is, or what I’m so afraid of. Maybe, I don’t want to be alone or maybe I’m afraid of making people hate me. Although I’m being to think that any amount of loneliness or rumors or a bad reputation is better than the feeling I feel right now. I feel my chest sink into my stomach and I feel like I’m going to cry, like I’ve made a mistake. I begin to feel guilty and trick myself into believing things are my fault. Even if I’ve done nothing wrong, I will force myself into self blame and self hate. I need to grow stronger than this, I need to believe that I deserve happiness no matter the cost it takes on my current relationships.